Logliner
Posted: 2018-02-28T02:28:57+10:00 In:

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    3 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      Bad syntax in the log.

      So, obviously, based on your description, you hate on the rich, and in order for that to work in your story, you need an audience who sympathizes with the hatred. Guess what, that isn’t reality. All people aspire to be rich. Name someone who doesn’t? Some make it. Some don’t.

      You don’t need post-apocalyptic scenarios to cement how money protects a family and also it’s well-being. It does do that and it always has. Good thing, too. It gives people hope and a means to strive for the greatness of it’s fruits.

      Rich can rich today, poor tomorrow. Poor can be poor today and rich tomorrow. It constantly changes. Someone write about that for a change.

      Imagine a fiction where there is no hope at all. Imagine a world where even the poor will never have a chance to be rich? That’s apocalyptic, IMO.

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    2. Singularity

      Agreed with Foxtrot25. The wording is off, it’s too long and the subject matter is very preachy. Evil rich people v good pure at heart poor people has been done many times before, not to mention the, now very tired, post apocalypse world setting.

      I’ll add that you describe the MC as a teenage girl who “…thinks about changing sides…”? – teenage girl is too generic a description to be effective in a logline, best to describe her as a flawed character, perhaps; snobbish, elitist or spoiled. This way you’re giving her room to grow as a person so that after she discovers her parents are responsible she would have to change as a person in order to achieve her goal.

      This brings me to my last point, thinking about doing something is very different to actually doing something. You need to describe the MC as a motivated character taking action towards achieving a specific goal not just thinking about it. What specifically is she going to do after changing sides?

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    3. Singularity

      At 80 words the sentence is far too long to be evaluated as a logline.? Most of the text is devoted to convoluted? backstory information instead of a clear, concise? statement of the story moving forward from an inciting incident.

      IOW: after all is said,? nothing is done.? There is no plot.

      Please review the basic plot elements outlined under “Our Formula”.?

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