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dpgSingularity
Posted: April 16, 20182018-04-16T23:53:40+10:00 2018-04-16T23:53:40+10:00In: Examples

In a world where humans are cloned to harvest their organs until they die, one clone struggles to postpone his fate.

In a world where humans are cloned to harvest their organs until they die, one clone struggles to postpone his fate.
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    5 Reviews

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    1. variable Uberwriter
      2018-04-17T00:15:07+10:00Added an answer on April 17, 2018 at 12:15 am

      Never let me go (2010) by Mark Romanek
      but Kathy H was the protagonist (or narrator or both?)

      Shouldn’t have made a film out of this novel, for which “Kathy” is a fine protagonist

      but reads passive in the film, for which “Tommy” reads better

      PS. Alex Garland is a maniac!

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2018-04-17T00:26:51+10:00Added an answer on April 17, 2018 at 12:26 am

      variable:

      Yes, the story is told from Kathy’s POV.

      But, for reasons I explained in my comment, I elected to frame the logline around Tommy because he is the only character who proactively struggles against his fate.? Kathy doesn’t.? Neither does Ruth, her rival for Tommy’s affection.

      And were the script an original? spec script, not an adaptation,? I am certain the writer would have gotten notes demanding that the story line be reworked so that? the protagonist fights to escape his fate — not merely postpone it.? So don’t try this at home!

      It took some creative courage to be faithful to the story arc of the book.? And, of course, the movie was not a box-office hit.? But having read the book, I think the movie is a moving adaptation.? As with just about any adaptation, it? can’t be faithful to every story beat in the novel, but it is utterly faithful to the emotional truth.

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    3. dpg Singularity
      2018-04-17T07:38:44+10:00Added an answer on April 17, 2018 at 7:38 am

      >>>Is there also a way to incorporate their relationship?

      Good question.? Maybe something like:

      A female clone struggles to win the heart of a cloned boy before time runs out and they must fulfill the reason they exist: to be harvested for their organs until they die.

      The problem is:

      1] It’s more than 50% longer — 33 words versus 21.? (Can you do one under 30 words?)
      2] The romantic problem is not the story hook.? It’s problem that happens all the time in real life — and in reel life.?The story hook is their existential problem, their unavoidable destiny, the reason they exist at all.
      3] A logline should lead with the story hook — not bury it in the middle or tag it to the end.

      Granted once I got into the story, the romantic problem was the more interesting aspect of the story.? ?But a logline is a sales pitch that should feature the most appealing feature to get people to read the script.? And the feature that hooks people into reading? the script may not necessarily be the same feature that keeps them hooked once they start reading.

      The story hook in the logline is the existential problem.? The story hook in the script is the romantic problem.

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    4. Valentin Samurai
      2018-04-18T01:15:55+10:00Added an answer on April 18, 2018 at 1:15 am

      The Island.
      Crappy Michael Bay movie whose few ?good scenes do not redeem the botching of an excellent script/concept.

      I can imagine the island remade a la 70’s dystopian SF sauce like Green Soylent. That could be made seven more creepy by having the audience not know what was going on until the very end. A very atmospheric noir atmosphere with the main character a Private Investigator trying to find a missing clone who is due for harvesting.

      When a private investigator is hired to retrieve a missing business man, he stumbles on a mysterious conspiracy to harvest organ from clones.

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    5. dpg Singularity
      2018-04-18T06:49:27+10:00Added an answer on April 18, 2018 at 6:49 am

      variable;

      Good effort at? 22 words for a plot line that casts Kathy as the protagonist.

      But I respectfully see it differently.

      I think Kathy’s defining character attribute is reticence .? It’s a flaw that sabotages her desire to win Tommy’s affection.? In contrast , her rival, Ruth, is aggressive,? not shy about going for who she wants.? And by the end of Act 1 after she sees Ruth? boldy kiss Tommy,? Kathy resigns herself to having lost the contest for his heart (and other organs).

      And “realizing they are clones” is tricky.? I got the impression that the kids know they are “special”,? but they don’t fully comprehend what that means for their future.? Until 24 minutes into the 1st Act, when their guardian/teacher spells it out for them. (Which gets her fired.)

      I see Ruth as the proactive character in the “B” story.? Which is to say,? Ruth is the protagonist of the “B” story.? Because up until the bitter end of her life, she is in the driver’s seat of the “B” story.? (How much in the driver’s seat?? She’s the one who connives to reunite Kathy and Tommy before her dies.)

      So I don’t see Kathy as the protagonist.? Not in the “B” story, not in the “A” story .? Tommy is the protagonist of the “A” story.? Kathy is the POV/Narrator character.

      But, as we know, the logline is about the? “A” story thread — not the “B”? — and the character in the driver’s seat of that thread.? And in most films, the protagonist may drive? both story lines, so it’s a distinction without a difference.? But this film seems to be an exception.

      Hmm.? Now I’m? going to scan my database of films for other movies that might be exceptions to the rule.

      fwiw

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