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LCthulouPenpusher
Posted: August 27, 20162016-08-27T23:44:11+10:00 2016-08-27T23:44:11+10:00In: Adventure

In an American West ruled by dinosaurs, a young Teddy Roosevelt goes on an expedition into the Yellowstone to hunt one of the last of the great predators, confronting his and his nation’s destiny.

In an American West ruled by dinosaurs, a young Teddy Roosevelt goes on an expedition into the Yellowstone to hunt one of the last of the great predators, confronting his and his nation’s destiny.
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    5 Reviews

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    1. [Deleted User]
      2016-08-28T02:05:29+10:00Added an answer on August 28, 2016 at 2:05 am

      I’m sure there is a comic book with this concept…

      Aside from that you?are missing a few key elements of a story in your logline and it runs a little long. ?Again, an inciting incident needs to be there to kick off your story. Then a goal and the obstacles trying to stop your MC and he must overcome. Hope this helps.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2016-08-28T05:50:40+10:00Added an answer on August 28, 2016 at 5:50 am

      “In an American West ruled by dinosaurs”??? ?This seems to be more a fantasy-adventure story.

      And what is ?”one of the last of the great predators”? ?A T. Rex or…?

      And how does confronting this creature have anything to do with either his or the country’s destiny? ?IOW: ?please clarify the stakes.

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    3. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2016-08-28T09:09:36+10:00Added an answer on August 28, 2016 at 9:09 am

      Tie the destiny to the story and you are all good. ?Dinosaurs in the old west is great. ?I can see the all the standards, but subbing in dinosaurs instead of horses.

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    4. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2016-08-28T20:00:57+10:00Added an answer on August 28, 2016 at 8:00 pm

      Aside form the logic flaw that dinosaurs, as we know them, can’t breath in an atmosphere containing 20% oxygen, how does him killing an animal change the country?

      They got around the oxygen thing in Jurassic Park by adding modern day amphibian DNA sequences into the Pre Historic ones, but in this instance there is no convenient DNA engineering team…

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    5. czawadzki Logliner
      2016-08-29T02:57:55+10:00Added an answer on August 29, 2016 at 2:57 am

      I think it is a fun idea to take dinosaurs out of their traditional setting and mix it up with historical fiction. ?If the story is good, I might ignore the scientific flaws about oxygen ect?mentioned in other reviews.

      With that said, I don’t see the conflict. It’s just Teddy Roosevelt going hunting. ?I guess, my advice would be to shorten and add conflict and drama.

      Good Luck!

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