In search of her origins, a confused young woman learns her father may have been a Decorated War Vet, however not from earth, now she finds herself in a fight to survive against a relentless alien warrior and a greedy corporation after her unique DNA
EricaSamurai
In search of her origins, a confused young woman learns her father may have been a Decorated War Vet, however not from earth, now she finds herself in a fight to survive against a relentless alien warrior and a greedy corporation after her unique DNA
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Is the woman not from earth? ?or her father? ? Why is she confused?
How does this sound?
A confused young woman searching for her origins must battle?a deadly Alien DNA bounty hunter after she learns her biological father may be?a Decorated ?Alien War Vet.
Thanks for the comment Naven, here’ s slight variation again:
In search of her origins, a orphaned young? women learns her father may have been a Decorated War Vet, who’s not from earth, now she finds herself in a fight to survive against a relentless alien Warrior and a greedy corporation after her unique DNA
Not sure between the words, confused, which I like and orphaned.
“In search of her origins, a orphaned young? women learns her father may have been a Decorated War Vet, who?s not from earth, now she finds herself in a fight to survive against a relentless alien Warrior and a greedy corporation after her unique DNA”
I think ‘orphan’ covers ‘in search of her origins’. Focus more on the discovery and you can cut this out. So does she find out her father is a war vet or not? No need for ‘may’. If she finds out, say it. If she doesn’t, why is it in the logline? I think it would be simpler to say something more along the lines of “discovers her father is an alien soldier”.
As a result of finding out about her father’s alien origins, what does she aim to do? What goal arises? Is her goal to defeat the alien warrior or the corporation.
I’m not sure the inciting incident is very good. What really starts the story??How?does she discover her father’s origins? Does the corporation attack her and reveal the information? Does she find another alien and is told by them?
Example:?When an orphan is attacked by a corporation, she must keep her DNA away from them and prevent them from creating an alien army.?(~24 words)
The concept is confusing and the plot vague,?I also can’t see the cause and effect between the events and actions in the logline.
The first part of the logline;
“…In search of her origins, a orphaned young? women learns her father may have been a Decorated War Vet, who?s not from earth?”
Reads like the backstory and should be omitted altogether from the logline.
What sets her off on her journey in the first place? This next part of the logline, kind-of describes an inciting incident ish?:
“…now she finds herself in a fight?”
But it’s not clear what exactly happened that motivate her, what was the event that sparked the story or inciting incident?
Lastly the goal is vague and has no end:
“…to survive against a relentless alien Warrior and a greedy corporation?”
The last part of the logline needs to clarify what exactly she must achieve to know, beyond a doubt, that she won the fight against the bad guys and can live happily ever after.
Does her alien DNA confer upon her any non-human ability, behavior or physiological anomaly?
?
>>> inherits her fathers abilities plus a few new skills
Such as…? ?What are the defining characteristics that makes her the character of interest to both aliens and corporations? (And, ergo, a character of interest to producers, directors and actors.)
“I don?t know if how all this would go into the logline?? I understand I want the hook but I can?t say everything.? There are some great posted/suggestions? in this thread but how do you answer all of them in two sentence?? This is where I?m finding it difficult as to how much to say.”
What is the plot of the story about? Is about about her learning to use her powers to stop a corporation, is it finding her birth parents, is it fighting an alien? What is the actual plot? What does the inciting incident lead her to do, what is the goal?
What is the alien’s objective goal in hunting her down? ?To kill her? ?Or…? ? And why?
[And are you thinking of the character in terms of franchise potential?]
“The plot is her fighting the alien and stopping it.?? The inciting incident is when the alien lands and begins to hunt her,”
Okay. Then what is the goal she pursues because of this? Specifically, what does she aim to do, what is the point of the story?
Example:?When she is attacked by an alien, a half-alien must keep her blood?away from the alien?so she can prevent them from creating an army of?super soldiers?from her DNA.?(~32 words)
So does the corporation send the alien?
Is the first film following a different character? Or does she just start to find out about her origins toward the end of that?
So, the female protagonist is technically a hybrid. ?She is the beneficiary of hybrid vigor — she exhibits desirable traits greater than the sum of the parent species — genetic synergism. ?So the offspring of humans who are cross-bred with aliens results in ?uber-warriors, better fighters than any that can be bred within the species, homo sapiens.
What’s in it for the aliens? ?What do they gain by cross-breeding with humans that they can’t get by intrabreeding?
Are both species trying to breed a superior warrior hybrid?
And if so, why would the alien want to kill the protagonist? Get a sample of her blood, yes. ?Take her captive as a human guinea pig, yes, for further evaluation and testing for?their breeding program. ?But kill her outright? ?It seems to me she’s too valuable of a specimen to wantonly kill.
It seems to me that the stakes for her is not her life directly or immediately — but her freedom. ?Both species want to exploit her as a guinea pig for their own malevolent purposes.
I’m try to understand what the stakes are for both species, why they both want to get a hold of her. What her (involuntary) role is in their plots.
One thing I am fairly certain of is that there must be no uncertainty in the logline as to her parentage, her unique genetic makeup. ?The dramatic question is not whether she’s a hybrid species but what she must do about being a hybrid species.
It definitely needs to be shorter, although it is an interesting concept there is far too much in there for a concise logline.
As for the concept itself it seems like a huge jump from digging around on ancestry.com to alien warriors after her. If she only found out now how would they know about her and why haven’t they come for her sooner? Just a thought to make the timeline a little clearer, otherwise really good job!