In the aftermath of global economic collapse, two estranged brothers travel to a deadly alien world in a desperate attempt to steal a device that will provide them with wealth and temptation beyond measure.

Some interesting parts. Next attempt…

While the stakes will be clearer with other adjustments, why should we care if the brothers die? What’s special about them? Are they only out for themselves?

Clarify why estranged brothers have to work together. Add an age-range and perhaps something else about them to paint the picture.

Clarify their goal. Do they want to become masters of the new world order?

If this is the future, say so. If it’s today, offer the general explanation for the alien world and space travel.

What is the device? Specifics are needed to avoid questions of confusion and to create a mental picture. How do they know about it? That sounds like another Inciting Incident. While the backdrop of the collapse is clear, clarify the Incident that sends the brothers on their journey.

It sounds more like greed or being misguided than desperation.

What’s the temptation?

Clarify what is the bulk of the story. Is it time on the alien planet trying to steal the device? Who or what is the antag? Or is most of the story hidden in the word “temptation,” what happens when they return with wealth?

My two cents.