Logliner
Posted: 2017-03-09T23:52:56+10:00 In:

It?s the tail-end of the hair band era, but four friends from Jersey don?t know that yet, and their band is riding the wave of a surprise hit single. All that stands between them and their dreams of gold and platinum are a cross-country road-trip to L.A., strange venues, hostile audiences, and a label suit with an axe to grind, hellbent on seeing them fail.

It?s the tail-end of the hair band era, but four friends from Jersey don?t know that yet, and their band is riding the wave of a surprise hit single. All that stands between them and their dreams of gold and platinum are a cross-country road-trip to L.A., strange venues, hostile audiences, and a label suit with an axe to grind, hellbent on seeing them fail.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Singularity

      This logline is longer but lacks the same as it’s predecessors – inciting incident, clear stakes and a clear goal.

      What one event motivates them to have to take action?

      What have they got to lose if they fail?

      What does gold or platinum mean? A record that goes gold or platinum? Is that feasible? Would they not need to be a big enough name band for that to happen? Are there not many other objectives on their way before gold and or platinum albums?

      If the audiences are hostile why would they go see the band in the first place?

      Best to shorten a logline to include only the crucial components of the plot, anything else will be extraneous.

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    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      Also, just a follow-up thought I think the description of hair band era is vague. I get that you mean bands with long hair but it may not be clear for most readers I think best you change it. The other thought I had was you would be better off specifying a single protagonist in the band, it would help focus the story and sharpen the plot.

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    3. Best Answer
      Singularity

      solidjim:

      This is your 5th iteration of the ?premise of a struggling band. ?So I’m guessing the premise has a strong appeal to you; there’s some emotional bait that has got you hooked. ?What ?is it? ?What do you feel is the emotional hook in this story? ?What do you feel your story has to offer that would make for a ?new twist on the all-too familiar subject of bands and performers trying to breakthrough in a cut-throat business?

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