Leaving behind his disorderly family in 1920s Oklahoma, a boy embraces the hobo life of freight hopping, vagrancy and drugs. Sent to prison, then declared insane, he encounters a book that redirects his life.

The standard formula for a logline is to begin with an inciting incident the causes a protagonist to strive for an objective goal.

The story in this logline seems to divide into 2 parts:? the life the boy lives before he encounters the book and the life he lives after.? So what is the inciting incident?? ?I’m guessing it’s? man reading the?”book that redirects his life”. ?Because that’s what an inciting incident does.? It upsets the status quo (in this case a downward life spiral), pivots the trajectory of the man’s life in a new direction (presumably upward).?

If I’m interpreting this logline right, then the problem?seems to be that it?occurs about 1/2 way through the story.? It’s not typical for an inciting incident to occur so late in a film script, particularly in modern cinema.??The usual rule is for it to occur within the 1st 1/4 of the story — the sooner the better.

But neither is it an absolute must-not to occur so late.? A notable exception to the usual rule is the movie “Rocky” (1976).? The inciting incident doesn’t occur until almost an hour into the film when Rocky Balboa?gets “the call”, the offer to fight the champ, that will change his life forever.? Before that he is drifting through life with no particular objective goal , at least not one? worthy of dramatic treatment.

But after he gets the call — well, that’s what made the film the hit it was, what spawned the franchise.

So how does the inciting incident in Rocky occurring about 1/2 way through the story translate into a logline???Something like this: “When a two-bit boxer with no future gets a chance to fight the world champion, he trains to be able to go the distance, 10 rounds, in a fight he knows he cannot win.”

The logline for “Rocky” ?distills the first 60 minutes of the film — all those incidents and relationship moments –?down to merely? 6 words: “When a two- bit boxer with no future”.

Whatever the story, no matter how sprawling, ?the logline for that story always, always cuts to the chase, the primary action of the plot.? And the chase starts with the inciting incident.

Your logline needs to start by cutting to the chase, the inciting incident.? So, for example, ?”Leaving behind his disorderly family in 1920s Oklahoma, a boy embraces the hobo life of freight hopping, vagrancy and drugs. Sent to prison. then declared insane, he encounters a book” could be distilled down to “After a drug-addicted hobo is sent to prison and declared insane, he encounters a book….”??

That’s? one way to cut to the chase.? Reduce?30 words?to 15.

After cutting to the chase, beginning with the inciting incident, your logline needs to state the objective goal that arises from reading the book.?? Even at 34 words , It’s only half complete.? (And almost 1/2 of the?1st 34? words, while pertinent to your story, are extraneous to a logline.)

So what becomes the man’s objective goal after reading that book??? What is the story about?? Show us?the game ball in the logline and put it in play.

fwiw