Les harbours a secret obsession to become the next biggest gay porn star and when his Dad kicks him out, he escapes to LA. Trapped by his own narcissism it?s not long before he resorts to prostitution to feed a growing meth habit but when he witnesses his ex lover dying of an overdose he starts an unpredictable roller coaster ride to recovery that brings him to a practice of yoga and meditation and he attracts the man that gives him a new sense of purpose.
GStarLogliner
Les harbours a secret obsession to become the next biggest gay porn star and when his Dad kicks him out, he escapes to LA. Trapped by his own narcissism it?s not long before he resorts to prostitution to feed a growing meth habit but when he witnesses his ex lover dying of an overdose he starts an unpredictable roller coaster ride to recovery that brings him to a practice of yoga and meditation and he attracts the man that gives him a new sense of purpose.
Share
While we?need to know something about the main character, we don’t need to know his name.? As a general rule, proper names should not be used in a logline.? So?”Les” doesn’t?need to be in the logline.
The logline seems to have a redemption/recovery arc.? However,? a logline should never give away the turning point?or the ending as this one? does, how?he recovers from his fall in fortune and rebuilds a new life.
So strip away those unnecessary?elements and what’s left?? Something like this: ?”After being kicked out by his father for being gay, a young man hitch hikes to L.A. to become a porn star only to end up as a male prostitute on the mean streets of Hollywood.”
For myself, I find this rather formulaic certainly?when compared to the? neon-noir 2015 film “Tangerine”.?? The characters in that film?ring true because the main roles were cast with real life transsexual prostitutes hustling in Hollywood.? The plot of the film rings true to ?because it is based upon their real life experiences.
But if you’ve done your research and dug up?a unique story about a ?compelling character, then more power to you.
fwiw
This reads like a synopsis. Just hit the through line.
After failing to establish his gay porn career a meth addict starts rehab where he meets the man that will lead to success.
Best to think of a logline in terms of plot points, and by plot plot points I mean essential big plot points.
As it is now the original logline has too many moving parts, albeit part of the same story they describe too much at too early a stage of development.
For example: “…Les harbours a secret obsession to become the next biggest gay porn star and when his Dad kicks him out, he escapes to LA …”
Could be re written as:
After his dad kicks him out for being gay a want to be actor must survive on the streets of LA…
Or another example:
“Trapped by his own narcissism it?s not long before he resorts to prostitution to feed a growing meth habit…”
This clause is not necessary and can be cut from the logline. For starters I’m not sure how one can be trapped by his or her own narcissism or how that would lead him to take meth and secondly it describes a character flaw, which is good but as a plot point which is bad. Best to use the character flaw as a means to indicate what the MC will learn over the course of the story, in other words the character flaw needs to insinuate what the inner journey will be to achieve the inner goal and not be part of the outer journey to achieve the outer goal.
As DPG said this is a redemption plot (very McKee of us…) so the inner journey is the most important part of your story, however in this instance I believe that an outer goal is necessary as there have been many rise and falls of [fill the gap] stories similar to this and a good challenging outer goal will help set it apart.