Malevolent Rattlesnake. Trickster Coyote. Romantic Jackrabbit. To rescue her kidnapped daughter, she must face them all in a dangerous and perplexing supernatural world.
MarinaMLogliner
Malevolent Rattlesnake. Trickster Coyote. Romantic Jackrabbit. To rescue her kidnapped daughter, she must face them all in a dangerous and perplexing supernatural world.
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This is a perplexing marketing line. Not a logline.
A woman must …… to save her daughter while…… do ….. to stop her.
Hello MarinaM!
Currently it reads like a tag line…
Visit https://loglines.org/howto 🙂
& Repost your second version with the simple format in the rules section. Good Luck!!
When her daughter is kidnapped by a supernatural entity, her self-conscious mother must battle three powerful mythical beings (in a dangerous supernatural world) to rescue her.?
I think the names of the beings (whilst really cool) are potentially unnecessary.
Adding an adjective (such as self-conscious above) can help to make the goal seem that much more challenging. Not only has she got to fight three supernatural creatures but she is shy and cautious so the journey she goes on is that much more powerful. If she was a badass supernatural killing machine then this would be a breeze.
I’ve put a bit above in brackets… I’m not sure the logline needs it but if the mother being in the supernatural world is highly relevant then include. To me, it seems like the challenge of facing these three beings is enough to whet people’s appetite without the need to say she’s travelled to another world too.
Hope this makes sense and helps in some way.
Who /what kidnapped her?? More important than listing the fantastical animals who may be either obstacles or potential allies is identifying the foe, the antagonist.