Nazi spy falls in love with her Allied Target and has 48 hours to rescue him before her sadistic team executes a plot that threatens them both.
czawadzkiLogliner
Nazi spy falls in love with her Allied Target and has 48 hours to rescue him before her sadistic team executes a plot that threatens them both.
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We need a little more information than this. What makes this Nazi spy sympathetic? Or her lover? What’s the plot that threatens them (obstacle)? Why was he taken (inciting incident)?
Also so look at the training tab at the top of this page for some clues on how to properly structure your logline. This does not follow it.
When [a major event happens], [the Hero], must [do the main action].
Major event – fall in love
Hero – Nazi Spy
Obstacle – Sadistic Team/ Clock
Must ?- ?Rescue
I agree I could?elaborate on the inciting incident to make the hero more clear and sympathetic.
How about…
But then it gets a bit wordy when you add in the rest.
Suggestions?
Thanks
When she falls for an Allied soldier, an orphaned child prodigy turned Nazi Spy must rescue him before the sadistic group that trained her ?executes a plot that threatens them both.
Seems long..
Falling in love isn’t the inciting incident. That’s the b-story at best, more backstory. Him getting kidnapped seems to kick off the story but I also don’t really buy the romance from this. How would a spy and soldier come into contact?
It would be better if he was a soldier with important information, she has to go and take him out before he speaks but she starts to fall for him the more she looks into his eclectic past and decides to go rogue and rescue him. I’m just spitballing here But that to me seems fresh.?
This is wonderful feedback. Thank you.
So, your guess is pretty close to the story. ?Which?makes me feel okay because perhaps I may not have a horrible story just a sub-par log line 🙂
Here is the quick summary of the plot – Part of her job and the group of spies she is working with is to seduce allied soldiers of interest and obtain information. ?This is something that actually happened. ?(in my version, she is more of a modern bad ass, as well) ?The back story and first ten pages deal with ?her ?abrupt separation from her parents, their deaths and her seeking out an alternate “family” group ?during the war.?The Allied ?soldier never gets kidnapped, he is being set up for that. ?Himself and the men in his group(?) ?are going to be captured and murdered if she does not ?make the decision to betray her family of spies and “save” him . ?It’s not as easy as just telling him because of her commitment?to her group and the watchful eye of a rival. ? The romance is her ?intellectual turning point, ?his unique character humanizes the “other”.
I really appreciate your feedback. Extremely helpful. Thanks.
I am going to sit on your advice over night and write a new logline tomorrow. ? Hopefully, I get closer. 🙂
If you have any time to give feedback on this, I would greatly appreciate.
Your explanation seems to lack an inciting incident – you said – “?if she does not make the decision to betray her family of spies?”.
The event that motivates her to betray her family of spies is the inciting incident, and needs to causally connect with her goal – to save the soldier.
Secondly describing the stakes as “…a plot that threatens them both?” is too vague, best you describe the danger in detail – execution, made into medical examination subjects?or put in a death camp what ever they are clearer stakes are better.
Why would a spy focus ?time and energy targeting a mere grunt, a soldier? ?What information or access to military intelligence does he have that the Nazis want? ?What makes him such a valuable target?