Logliner
Posted: 2017-06-13T09:34:48+10:00 In:

On the verge of quitting his job to get married, a presumptuous man gets curiously rejected when proposing to his girlfriend and therefore hires a private investigator to investigate her reasons; but when he discovers that the PI has been following the wrong girl all along and feeding him false information, he must learn to listen to others selflessly before his girlfriend discovers that she’s being investigated.

On the verge of quitting his job to get married, a presumptuous man gets curiously rejected when proposing to his girlfriend and therefore hires a private investigator to investigate her reasons; but when he discovers that the PI has been following the wrong girl all along and feeding him false information, he must learn to listen to others selflessly before his girlfriend discovers that she’s being investigated.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      >>>he must learn to listen

      This version of the logline is a spoiler. ?A logline should never give away the resolution of the dramatic problem. ?And a logline should never be about “The Lesson Learned”. ?Never.

      A logline is about a struggle for an objective goal in spite of complications and obstacles. ?The problem begins when the girl dumps him. ?The complication to the problem ?is that the jilted man receives the wrong information because the PI is incompetent and shadows the wrong woman. ? It’s not just a complication, imho, it’s the story hook.

      What does he do, what becomes his objective goal after he receives the information not knowing it’s about the wrong girl? ?That’s the plot.

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    2. Logliner

      This sounds more like a synopsis. Dwindle it down to its bare story which I presume is a man hiring a detective to investigate his girlfriend. I think the last part of it makes it seem too much like a synopsis:

      “when he discovers that the PI has been following the wrong girl all along and feeding him false information, he must learn to listen to others selflessly before his girlfriend discovers that she?s being investigated.”

      there’s a simpler way to say this. it isn’t a complex idea so I don’t think it needs a complex logline.

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