Logliner
Posted: 2018-10-15T04:10:32+10:00 In:

Orbiting a dead world rich with ancient history to find her people, a newly minted female admiral must convince a difficult security agent of her loyalties after being discovered she descends from his people’s eternal enemy, a nearly extinct race of superhuman slavers.

Orbiting a dead world rich with ancient history to find her people, a newly minted female admiral must convince a difficult security agent of her loyalties after being discovered she descends from his people’s eternal enemy, a nearly extinct race of superhuman slavers.
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    1. Singularity

      Taking the logline at face value, what it promises is that the audience will be treated to the entire 2nd Act (at least ) — an hour or more of screen time — devoted to nothing else but her trying to convince the agent of her loyalties.

      In the 3rd Act, she will either succeed or fail to convince him.

      End of story.

      FADE TO CREDIT SCROLL

      I’m guessing you intend to tell a bigger story.? Something to do with finding her people,? But I can’t read your mind.? I can only read what the logline says.? ? And again, taking your logline at face value, the whole film is about her trying to persuade the agent that she’s not disloyal.? Period.? Full stop.

      The security agent seems to be a complication, a problem to be solved en route to accomplishing her primary objective goal.? Which is?? What is the story really about?? What’s at stake?? Why must she find her people — or else?? What is lost if she doesn’t find her people?? What’s gained if she does?

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