REVISED: A casino waitress is in love with the scientist who accidentally made her three times bigger, but while her size leads to Vegas stardom, she must also face a blackmailing mobster and rescue the kidnapped scientist.
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REVISED: A casino waitress is in love with the scientist who accidentally made her three times bigger, but while her size leads to Vegas stardom, she must also face a blackmailing mobster and rescue the kidnapped scientist.
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Among all this tangle of events, which one constitutes the inciting incident? ??Her being made 3 times larger? ?The stardom? ?Falling in love? ?Having to rescue the scientist from blackmail and kidnapping?
Which event kicks off the plot?
What is the plot? ?What is her singular objective goal that frames the story and motivates all her actions?
Agreed with DPG.
I suggest cutting the first clause in the logline as it is redundant to the plot.
I think the kidnapping of her love interest is the most compelling event in the logline, perhaps best to restructure it around this as the catalyst. The logline also fails to describe the main action she will take in the story, and the reader can’t tell?what’s going to happen. Will she pay a ransom? Contact the police? Run a rampage in down town Los Vegas? Get a gun and shoot her way to the scientist?
For example:
After her lover is taken by a mobster, a famous 15 foot tall Vegas performer must fight his henchmen in an under ground tournament to get her man back.
The story is billed as comedy. ?What’s so funny about being blackmailed and kidnapped? ?The only potential for comedy I see is what happens after she becomes 3x bigger. ?That seems to be the gimmick, the story hook. I don’t see the cause-and-effect relationship between what she has become and the blackmail and kidnapping that follow. The story line seems to be more of a potpourri than a plot.
It’s meant to be a romantic comedy about a loving, if mismatched, couple, showing there’s nothing inherently wrong with being different. The casino waitress turned giant star is faced with having to give up her size to save the scientist (he’s being held in a residential neighborhood, and would be easily spotted if she tried to rescue him at 16-foot-plus), so she reduces herself to 5-foot-5, saves him withn help from three female friends, but discovers the size-changing machine no longer works and her career is effectively over. The scientist — who became her manager after the casino signed her to a million-dollar contract — adores her, big or small, verbally defending her when a former girlfriend of his makes some cruel remarks about her.
She didn’t intend to become so big; this occurred during an experimental breast-enlargement procedure, something she was doing to moonlight at a gentlemen’s club and raise money for her young nephew’s medical expenses. And it’s the casino owner, who’s promised to pay the child’s bills after discovering her in the converted trucking warehouse that’s now her home, who suggests she could be a showroom headliner. (If she had pursued it on her own, she wouldn’t be as sympathetic a character.) Her integrity — using her size only to intimidate those who deserve it — makes her a favorite with children and adults, and her sex appeal doesn’t hurt, either.
You can see the screenplay at https://filmfreeway.com/projects/476988
Here’s a one-page synopsis for STAND TALL! that might better provide logline suggestions:
file:///home/chronos/u-9600f2f96a654d29e2087168927467c74d89db09/Downloads/071716%20stand%20tall%20logline%252Fsynopsis.pdf