(REVISION #7) When a na?ve, rambunctious teenager coerces her way into her sibling rival?s singing act in 1963?s England, her sister hates her for it. Succumbing to the seductive excesses of a Rock?n Roll lifestyle, she ends up pregnant, and after a botched illegal abortion, has to re-evaluate her life and make amends to her sister to stop the downward spiral.

My first impression is that this seems like a lot.? I’d expect someone’s eyes are going to glaze over before you finish reciting this in an elevator.? But maybe that’s just me.

On a quick side note, the way you use “her sibling” and “her sister” in the same sentence seems awkward.

The thing that’s standing out to me as something I’m not sure about… the teenager is being portrayed as naive and rambuctious, and coercing her way into the singing act.? However she gets into the singing act, you’re trying to make it appear like she’s bad for getting in on the act, and therefore the sister is justified to be upset.? And therefore, it’s up to the teenager to “make amends”.

But what I think is… the sister is selfish for expecting to have the stage to herself.? Why should the teenager have to make amends to that self-centered diva?

Out of your logline, the thing that I still get hooked by is mainly what I suggested before… a teenager gets carried away by rock n’ roll and ends up pregnant, then her future hangs in the balance.? The 1963’s England part I know you like, and honestly, I think it’s kind of cool too, so even though I think it’s optional, I wouldn’t blame you for including that still.