Rework: When a witness and two cops are killed, a divorced Homicide Detective must solve a space piracy fraud and track two murderers to capture the mastermind.
Not sure of genre… Suggestions?
RussellNSamurai
Rework: When a witness and two cops are killed, a divorced Homicide Detective must solve a space piracy fraud and track two murderers to capture the mastermind. Not sure of genre… Suggestions?
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“When a witness and two cops are killed, a divorced Homicide Detective must solve a space piracy fraud and track two murderers to capture the mastermind. ”
The first thing I can think of is that the fact that he/she is divorced has nothing to do with plot, and is of no importance to the logline. Replace it with an adjective that describes the character’s personality, especially if it is a character flaw which creates an obstacle for the character. The second thing is that the logline presents two goals: solving the fraud and finding the mastermind. Even if the fraud leads to finding the mastermind, the overall goal is the capture so focus on that for the logline.
Also, I think you need to tie in the mastermind more to the logline. What exactly has he/she orchestrated? How is the murder of a witness and two cops playing into this person’s grand plan?
Example:?When a witness and two cops are killed, an impulsive homicide detective must track two contract killers to find the mastermind. (21)
My example just includes the first two suggestions but I would need more information in order to make a better one.
I hope this helps.