Samurai
Posted: 2017-05-01T19:04:11+10:00 In:

Rework: When an Australian find of Nazi-confiscated, priceless coins is stolen from police evidence, the Senior Detective must trace an escaped Gestapo Officer to his murderous Detective grandson

Rework: When an Australian find of Nazi-confiscated, priceless coins is stolen from police evidence, the Senior Detective must trace an escaped Gestapo Officer to his murderous Detective grandson
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    2 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      This version of the logline shares almost all of the same problems as the previous version. How do the coins relate to the Gestapo Officer and grandson? What motivation does the detective have, what personal stakes?

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    2. Singularity

      Agreed with Dkpough1. A detective must chase the criminal because that is his job, in other words, this is the normal day-to-day in his or her life and therefore does not constitute an out of the ordinary inciting incident. There is no real ‘hook’ nothing particularly enticing about a detective chasing a criminal with stolen Nazi loot. What else can be his goal that would make this more compeling?

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