“Icon of the Defender Part II”
The mercenaries with morals known as the Rhodium Golems have gone their separate ways since defeating evil scientist Sorina Manescu a year prior. pilot Vincenzo Corbucci is now an aerial chauffeur for VIPs and is in a relationship with ex-hitwoman-turned-actress Hiroka Noguchi, Nikolai Rostavili is a drill instructor for the FSB and Jacques Dubois is an author specialising in pulp fiction novels. Following a failed assassination attempt on former femme fatale turned physical education teacher Elsa Lindblom, Vincenzo suspects that Project Athena may not have been fully put to rest and gathers his old friends for one last, final mission. In a parallel storyline, Rosh Goldman’s rise to power and fall from grace is chronicled in flashback sequences as his life experiences lead him to form the 5 Elements, a cabal with a titanium grip on nearly every corner of the globe.
Hi Swevius,
Your story seems to be interesting but I didn’t get much while reading it. I had to search the name “Rosh Goldman” because I thought it was a real person. It is probably the name of your main character. I’m currently studying a screenwriting program (that suggests submitting one’s logline on this website actually). One of their advise is not to name your character because we don’t really need it and in your case, it was very confusing. What are Rhodium Golems and Project Athena ?
Instead of giving their names, you should shortly describe them so that we can identify them as the antagonist or protagonist or what’s at stake.
Also even if it’s important to you, while presenting your project I believe it could put you and your project in a disavantage point to mention any spectic geography or political references.
Last point of suggestion, “is presented”, make your main character more active and do something. Your formulation makes him look passive and therefore not really interesting to follow on his journey.
Hope these feedbacks and thoughts will help you. Keep it up ! Take care
BO