The Story about A detective who gets terribly injured during the operation, he goes to Coma. After a Month, he becomes conscious and he realizes that he gains a strange skill that he can contact to corpses that murdered.
joker2008Logliner
The Story about A detective who gets terribly injured during the operation, he goes to Coma. After a Month, he becomes conscious and he realizes that he gains a strange skill that he can contact to corpses that murdered.
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And then what?
The logline has a protagonist and an inciting incident that sets up ?a situation — an interesting one — for a plot. ?But it fails to follow through with a complete statement of the plot that follows from the inciting incident. ?In this case the course of action the protagonist takes, what becomes his objective goal, as a result of his newly acquired power.
What is that objective goal? What is that course of action? ?What is the plot that follows?
(And to clarify: ?does “corpses that murdered” refer to the culprits? ?Or is it a typo and it should refer to the victims?)
Agreed with DPG.
Also, it reads as if him gaining the special corpse talking power is the inciting incident so best you mention that first and then what he intends to do with his new found ability.
Also, since space is at a ?premium concerning loglines, I suggest you drop “A story about…” and save a few words that can be better used elsewhere.