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Adamu95Logliner
The unexpected arrival of young man claiming to be an estranged relative raises a family’s suspicions when a string of crimes rattles their community.
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Hi Adamu95, I think your logline has promise, but it leaves me a little cold… It doesn’t really grab me. ?My initial thoughts are:
What’s your inciting incident? ?His arrival or the first crime? ?Maybe if you post a little of the overall plot, it will allow reviewers to give more focussed suggestions.
Two films spring to mind. First – The Imposter. A documentary and an unbelievably good film. It’s a perfect example of how true life is stranger than fiction. The second is The Guest – dead brother’s army buddy comes to pay his respects to the family… ends up sticking around and things get interesting.
I agree with Trix, it doesn’t really grab me either. I think it’s because it’s been done. In this day and age, it doesn’t take a lot to get proof of whether he’s an estranged relative. Since you phrased it “claiming to be an estranged relative” – it suggests to me that he’s not. As Trix said, what sort of crimes are being committed?
As the others said.
And it’s unclear who the protagonist is, the point of view character.? And what is the objective goal?