Penpusher
Posted: 2020-10-19T23:46:03+10:00 In:

To thwart the pain of diaspora and disillusionment, a local Asian-American college student pounces into the reckless lifestyle of vigilantes, triads, extremists, and violent pop-culture fanatics.

To thwart the pain of diaspora and disillusionment, a local Asian-American college student pounces into the reckless lifestyle of vigilantes, triads, extremists, and violent pop-culture fanatics.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Penpusher

      Maybe more specific pain of… loneliness(?) Diaspora is not a pain. And reduce antagonists to 2 or 3 (Max)

      To thwart the pain of lonliness (goal), an Asian-American college student (protagonist)pounces (action) into the reckless lifestyle of vigilantes, triads, and violent pop-culture fanatics (antagonists) .

      But what’s at stake?

      A young man (protagonist) leads (action) his oddball family (antagonists) and their real-estate-development business (goal) following a securities-fraud fiasco that put the father in jail (stake).

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    2. Singularity

      So what his (or her?) ethnic identity: Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Indian, Pakistani or….? I’m guessing because of the word “triads” that the main character is Chinese, but a logline reader shouldn’t have to guess. It should be crystal clear.

      Asian-American can apply to any one of a wide range of ethnic groups. A logline that is vague, that plays hide-and-seek with need-to-know information, that requires the reader to ferret it out, is DOA. Producers won’t play along, won’t waste their precious time with the script.

      Also the main character is weak, just drifting through the plot, going with the flow of the gang lifestyle instead of driving the plot toward a specific objective goal.

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