Two chief divers are called forth to salvage the sunken ships at Pearl Harbor. honor their fallen comrades, and revitalize the fleet to avenge their dead shipmates.
GeneSalvittiLogliner
Two chief divers are called forth to salvage the sunken ships at Pearl Harbor. honor their fallen comrades, and revitalize the fleet to avenge their dead shipmates.
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Gene,
Here’s the problem I still see with your story. How does diving to ship wrecks in shallow water make for an important part of the war effort? Where does this story get its drive to conclusion? Where is the risk and what will happen if they don’t succeed? Where does the vengeance factor in?
Agree with Foxtrot25. ?I don’t see what makes the efforts of the 2 divers stand out from all the other rescue and salvage divers.
Also, protagonists should be always framed in a proactive mode, ?intentional agents ?in their own fate in the story. ?But the logline frames them as reactors ?instead of pro-actors– they are “called forth” to the salvage work. ?If ?”called forth” is the inciting incident, the logline needs to describe the through line of action they choose to take??when they answer the call.
Agreed with the above.
There is no out of the ordinary event that precipitated the story. Pearl Harbour happens before the story starts and is largely unrelated to the divers in any direct sense. Unless, of course, they had framily serving on the ships. Ultimately, the event that starts the story is them getting the call to do the salvage – just another day on the job for them, after a tragic event to be sure but their job none the less.
What is it about the call that motivates them, with personal stakes, to have to take action or else?