Samurai
Posted: 2020-07-11T08:13:26+10:00 In:

Upon being diagnosed with lung cancer, a lifetime litterbug tries to make the world beautiful for his depressed granddaughter before he dies.

I’m thinking of a Forrest Gump-like sequence with a twist ending for this. Might be more of a black comedy.

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    6 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Singularity

      “Make the world beautiful” is general and an impossibility. His object goal needs to be *specific* and concrete*, something t’s possible and credible for him to do. Like clean up all the trash in his neighborhood. Or town, if it’s a small one.

      And why is his granddaughter depressed? How will cleaning up his act cure her? What’s the connection between her depression and his being a litterbug?

      And what’s the inciting incident? His diagnosis or her depression?

      • 1
    2. Penpusher

      I love the goal, it makes for a very innocent and kind-hearted story, especially with two people that seem to be in quite hopeless situations. Not sure how it’s a comedy due to the utter hopelessness of the protag and his granddaughter, unless it’s a black comedy which could be fun.

      • 0
    3. Samurai

      Hi Scott.

      Okay – let’s see…

      Upon being diagnosed with lung cancer, a lifetime litterbug tries to make the world beautiful for his depressed granddaughter before he dies.

      Intention: to make the world beautiful. (I think this needs to be more specific. How so? How to make the world beautiful.)
      Obstacle:

      When his granddaughter is diagnosed with terminal cancer, a timid old man sets out to find a cure before it’s too late.

      (In the process – he shows her the world is beautiful/or can be a beautiful place filled with good people.)

      I’m not sure why he was a litterbug. (Or at least it’s not necessary to know in the logline.)

      Good luck with this!

      • 0