Penpusher
Posted: 2018-06-04T20:12:57+10:00 In:

When a British Agent is accused of aiding the terrorist attack she failed to foil, she is forced to go on the run from, and on the hunt for, both friends and foes.

When a British Agent is accused of aiding the terrorist attack she failed to foil, she is forced to go on the run from, and on the hunt for, both friends and foes.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Samurai

      I can see the movie plot in your logline, pretty clearly. Bravo!

      The impact of the terrorist attack she failed to foil will be heavy on conscience of a character and the utter disgust of failing on a national duty will add extraordinary dramatic influence on one’s actions.

      Sometimes action movies tend to insignify the emotional side of main character. When you write down the script, do not involve in actions only. This idea has potential to catch on the nerves of viewers. Build drama to enhance the experience of movie-goers.

      Although one may argue against the dramatic need – just to run. What will be her actions? I feel it can be part of bigger picture. This is good to go.

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    2. Uberwriter

      “being accused” should take place later (around the midpoint) to raise stakes. Instead your logline would benefit from “failing to prevent detonation” as an inciting incident

      Also, “to run away from friends and foes” is an action for the Goal “to prove his innocence”

      Another version could be —
      ??? When a counterterrorist fails to prevent a detonation, he must prove his innocence while evading both his friends and foes ???

      The premise is interesting and would benefit from a peculiar detail, which would seperate it from similar films….like “the fugitive” (1993) which has the same gameplay verb for protagonist

      Good Luck Daryl Rogerson

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    3. Singularity

      My tweak:
      When a British agent is accused of aiding a terrorist attack she failed to foil, she must prove her innocence while on the run from coworkers and conspirators.
      (28 words)

      Notes:
      My tweak explicitly includes her objective goal, what she must do while on the lam.
      I have no problem with the inciting incident being the accusation.? That’s when the action of the plot proper begins? Until she’s accused she has no need to run, no need to prove her innocence.? Everything else before that event is setup.
      I? used “coworkers” instead of friends because aren’t her erstwhile friends now her foes?? But that’s picky, optional.
      And “conspirators” to preserve the alliteration.? But again, that’s picky, optional.

      fwiw

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