When a depressed maintenance worker discovers that the woman he loves has the same destructive personality disorder as his psychologist?s wife, he befriends the psychologist whose specific advice may help save his failing relationship.
WayneLogliner
When a depressed maintenance worker discovers that the woman he loves has the same destructive personality disorder as his psychologist?s wife, he befriends the psychologist whose specific advice may help save his failing relationship.
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Why is he a maintenance worker? What bearing does that have on the story? Is his arc from depressed to happy?
Overall, I find this logline a little confusing to read – it makes sense but I think it could be clearer.
Surely, if he’s seeing a psychologist, he will be getting advice that would help save his relationship whether he befriends the psychologist or not?
Yup.
For the next version…
What would the protag do in most of the script, talk to the psychologist and then talk to his gf?
What is the conflict? Is it something with the psychologist or is it the protag working on his gf or…?
What is the hook, the thing that would make people give the script a chance?
Wanting to save the relationship with such a woman feels misguided of him. If that’s the intention, that can certainly work, but it pays to clarify it. Start with being more specific than “destructive personality disorder.” Or still clarify if we’re rooting for the guy to succeed.
Thanks for the feedback.? It’s much appreciated, as would any more comments on this update:
When he learns that the woman he yearns for has the same destructive personality disorder as his psychologist?s wife, an emotionally-battered man teams with the psychologist, who helps him implement a new and bizarre approach to fixing the on-off relationship.
You’re welcome.
>> implement a new and bizarre approach
Be specific as? this sounds like the? hook and bulk of the story.