Samurai
Posted: 2017-10-31T07:59:22+10:00 In:

When a famous tennis player have his wife murdered by a psychotic socialite he met on the train, he needs to prove his innocence in a crisscross murder he never agreed to.

Strangers On A Train

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    5 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Samurai

      This logline seems to be very tricky to me… The problem is that the “crisscross” situation is hard to describe together with the murder, so I left it to the end.. not sure if it came across in a clear way…

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    2. Best Answer
      Singularity

      Yeah, moviefreak81, you picked a good one, a movie with “A” list screen credits:? a Patricia Highsmith story, no less,? adapted by Raymond Chandler, no less, directed by Alfred Hitchcock, no less.

      I? haven’t seen the movie, only know of it by its reputation — and IMDB summary.? That said, here’s my awkward, provisional take:

      After refusing a stranger’s offer to kill his hated wife in exchange for his killing the stranger’s hated father, a man must prove his innocence when the stranger fulfills his offer and kills his wife.
      (35 words)

      At 35 words, the logline borders on what I consider to be the red line for logline length.? As I mentioned, I have built up a database closing in on 800 loglines.? And I have (yet) to encounter a plot line I wasn’t able to formulate in 40 words or less.? From which I conclude that? 15 words or less is High Concept, 25 words or less is the ideal; 26 – 35 is acceptable;? 36-40 is tolerable — barely.? Anything over 40 words is too long.

      For your consideration, here is a chart of the distribution of word lengths that forms the basis for my own criteria:

      [img]https://loglines.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Loglines781.jpg[/img]

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    3. Best Answer
      Samurai

      Cool.. do you have these loglines shared somewhere? I’d be pretty much interested in reading them…?? Your logline is embarassingly? better 😀

      I’ve tried an attempt on top of your take… let me know what you think. 34 words

      After refusing a stranger?s offer to kill his hated wife in exchange for his killing the stranger?s hated father, a man must prove his innocence when the stranger demand his part of the bargain.

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    4. Best Answer
      Singularity

      Foxtrot25:

      >>>wouldn?t writers need a bit more space to accurately convey these larger pitches?

      Perhaps. But because of the multiplication of media platforms and production options,? everything I read suggests that the competition for attention, quality eye time, is fiercer than ever.? Imho, the best strategy for an unrepresented writer to pitch a more complex story line is to first get an agent and make a sale for a simpler one.

      Moviefreak 81:

      My advice is to roll your own.? It’s the best way to learn.? My original objective goal was to prove the hypothetical, that the ideal logline length is 25 words or less. In the process, I discovered mountains beyond the original mountain I assayed to climb,? insights into plotting scripts in general.

      regards.

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    5. Best Answer
      Samurai

      Thanks dpg, one thing does do substitue the other. One can’t learn how to paint or play piano or any other craft without actually doing it, and by learning other loglines posted here is a good complement.

      Based on Foxtrot 25’s post: One thing that is becoming clearer and clearer to me is that for outsiders pitching, one there is some sort of limitation regarding the story format, so the logline and hook gets very clearly across a single sentence. It’s not a huuuuge limitator in my view, but I think the more the writer is aware of the boundaries, closer it is to a great logline/idea…

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