Logliner
Posted: 2017-01-15T02:26:00+10:00 In:

when a freedom believer incites his tribe to be free , he gets caught by another one to be bought as a slave .

when a freedom believer incites his tribe to be free , he gets caught by another one to be bought as a slave .
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    3 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      Concept a solid 9/10.

      But, who, when, where & why are missing. So tell us those things and we can help. The current version is too vague for any meaningful conversation.

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    2. Logliner

      Thanks for sharing, Allal.

      So, from this I understand that ?after inciting a rebellion, a freedom fighter is captured and put up for sale as a slave. Is ?that right? And so the story is now going to be about the character’s attempt to escape slavery?

      Good luck with the redraft.

      Cheers, SouthWestSusie

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    3. Singularity

      It reads as if the inciting incident is him being captured, this means that his rebellion with his own tribe is backstory and can be cut from the logline.? This will free up words to describe his actions, which are currently missing in the logline – how will he free himself from slavery?

      For example:
      After a freedom fighter is caught by an opposing tribe, he must incite a new rebellion amongst his captures in order to avoid being sold into slavery.

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