Logliner
Posted: 2015-10-28T10:49:01+10:00 In:

When a group of graffiti writers beat up a random on the beaches of Sydney, it leads to a true life tale of redemption and forgiveness.

When a group of graffiti writers beat up a random on the beaches of Sydney, it leads to a true life tale of redemption and forgiveness.
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    3 Reviews

    1. Mentor

      This could do with a little work, I get a hint of I Know What You Did Last Summer, but not sure if that is what you are going for.

      Personally, I would amp up the conflict… maybe your Hero is only with the Taggers through peer pressure and wanting to be accepted, then maybe he is witness to their attack or forced into it. I also then wouldn’t make it a random, I would make it a friend that he turns his back on.

      So, if not going for the horror take on this idea and want to focus more on redemption then I would have the story revolve around him returning to his small town only to meet the guy and he discovers that night after the beating his friend stop trying to be something special a writer or musician and he starts to encourage his friend to take it up again… of course we’d learn that he still insists on wanting to fit in and it has gotten him into a lot of trouble so he is using his friend to make him some money so you have that conflict also.

      Just an idea as you could quite easily go horror movie with it, and Sydney has some great locations that could make the ity a unique area to have the story set.

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    2. Logliner

      It’s actually not horror but more in the style of This is England. It’s a realistic tale of violence in Sydney and it’s a seven minute short film.

      It begins with the introduction of a Sydney graffiti crew along with the voice over of the protagonist, a random twenty-something out with his girlfriend at a Sydney beach and we witness a random brutal assault on him then in a twist, we follow the taggers as they party out in the Sydney CBD for the night in a music video-like montage very much like a MTV music video. Then, by a chance of coincidence we see two of the taggers return in the morning as they’re chased by younger taggers until a good Samaritan steps in… The victim by either coincidence or fate.

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    3. Singularity

      You have too many coincidences planned for your story:

      “…the protagonist, a random twenty-something out with his girlfriend at a Sydney beach and we witness a random brutal assault on him then in a twist, we follow the taggers as they party out in the Sydney CBD for the night in a music video-like montage very much like a MTV music video. Then, by a chance of coincidence we see two of the taggers return in the morning as they?re chased by younger taggers until a good Samaritan steps in? The victim by either coincidence or fate…”

      Best to have a sequence of events connected via a direct cause and effect relationship than coincidences, as a way of creating plot points.

      Hope this helps.

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