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recluseLogliner
Posted: April 7, 20172017-04-07T21:25:53+10:00 2017-04-07T21:25:53+10:00In: Thriller

When a recluse yachtsman gets charmed by an ex actress he discovers she is a career tramp just like him. Teaming up they mingle and swindle the jet set living the high-life until recluses ex returns to renew love and revenge as an undercover IRS sting

When a recluse yachtsman gets charmed by an ex actress he discovers she is a career tramp just like him. Teaming up they mingle and swindle the jet set living the high-life until recluses ex returns to renew love and revenge as an undercover IRS sting
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    3 Reviews

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    1. dpg Singularity
      2017-04-08T02:07:32+10:00Added an answer on April 8, 2017 at 2:07 am

      I think you have 2 interesting characters, likable rogues, ?in search of a plot in which to act.

      Unfortunately, I don’t see what the plot is, yet. ?I can envision several possibilities for a plot — but it’s your story, ?not mine. ?Until the ex shows up ?there seems to be no apparent threat to their lifestyle and swindling. ?And after she appears, it’s not clear how he MUST respond to the threat of the IRS sting operation .

      Also the appearance of the ex seems like a 2nd Act, midpoint complication — not an inciting incident. ?And loglines are not about midpoint complications.

      What is the inciting incident? ?The guy getting charmed or the discovery that she’s a fellow con?

      >>>renew love and revenge

      Seems like a contradiction. What is his real motivation? ?Is he pursuing revenge under the guise of love?

      fwiw

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    2. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-04-08T05:08:43+10:00Added an answer on April 8, 2017 at 5:08 am

      Also, check the grammar and adjust the log.

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    3. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2017-04-08T14:00:05+10:00Added an answer on April 8, 2017 at 2:00 pm

      Think there’s a little too much setup and no motivation, a recluse tends not to mingle.

      A man and his ex-celebrity actress lover live swindling the Jetset until his ex-girlfriend reappears as part of an IRS sting.

      Plus IRS may be the wrong agency, swindles normally don’t attract Tax issues as much as they would Police attention.

      Hope this helps.

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