Samurai
Posted: 2019-07-04T01:56:43+10:00 In:

When a social phobic former photographer falls in love with the number one tennis star in the world, he must overcome his anxieties in order to get back his job and be with her.

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    3 Reviews

    1. Singularity

      There can be only one primary objective goal in a logline and script.? Either he wants to get his job back or he wants to get the girl.? Which is it?

      One of the options can be a necessary stepping stone, a means to the achieving the primary goal.? In this case, I’m guessing getting his job back would be a necessary step to getting the girl.

      Whatever, true love is a two way street; there needs to be a reason for her to fall in love with him.? Which is?

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    2. Singularity

      >>>Do I have to state the reason she?s falling for him in the logline?

      No.? But, obviously, one of his challenges is for her to find a reason to fall for him.

      I frankly don’t understand why his having to get his job back is part of the story.? Why did he lose it in the first place?? (I’m asking this for contextual information, since getting fired? is in the back story.)? Why can’t he be gainfully employed taking photographs of her on while she’s competing?

      Or better yet — and more realistic these days –why can’t he be a free lance photographer?? I say realistic because most professional photographers are freelance these days.? They have to hustle 24/7 to take pictures that media outlets want to buy.

      And shouldn’t he be good enough taking pictures to be able to earn a living?? I mean if she’s good enough to be the best tennis player in the world, what is he good at?? What skill does he have that might impress her?? Why should a winner like her take notice a loser like him who can’t even hold down a job?

      Just asking to brainstorm the? premise.? (I happen to be an avid photographer, so the premise is of more than casual interest.)

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    3. Singularity

      >>>the pictures he took (hanging at his home)

      Suggest instead:? Instagram, Flickr, etc. (If the pictures are only hanging in his home, and he only goes out at night — how will she ever know about them, even know he exists?)

      So, she’s going to rescue him.? What does she get in return?? What’s in the relationship for her?? Where’s the reciprocity?? What can he do for her that she needs?

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