When a terminal patient becomes immortal, she must uncover the secret that saved her life; but when she discovers she’s the target of a military conspiracy, she fights to?protect her unborn child.

I gather that you are trying to write a logline incorporating a Midpoint Reversal (MPR).

Consider Karel’s example of an MPR for the movie “Jaws” under “Our Formula”:

When the mangled body of a swimmer is found on the beach, the town sheriff must battle the mayor who wants to keep business as usual over the 4th of July weekend; but when the sheriff?s own son is almost killed by a great white, he must show responsibility and venture into the ocean to kill the monster.

Notice that both the inciting incident for the initial action and the inciting incident for the MPR refer to the same plot problem😕 a shark chomping on people. The protagonist’s objective goal remains the same; what has changed is his means of attaining it.

However, in your logline, the inciting incident for the initial action refers to becoming immortal while the inciting issue for the MPR refer to a distinctly different plot problem, a military conspiracy, that motivates a distinctly different objective goal.? The logline seems to bait and switch plot goals.

I’m guessing the two are related, but I don’t know how, and a logline should never leave a reader guessing.? A logline should excite curiosity as to how the plot will play out, but it should not create confusion as to what the plot is about.

An MPR may change the means, but it usually doesn’t change the objective.? Since her dramatic problem entails solving a mystery, the standard plot m.o. is that protagonist doesn’t discover the full threat isn’t discovered until the end of Act 2.? In this case, the survival of her unborn child.

But the matter of the unborn child introduces a critical twist that seems to parachute into the plot out of nowhere.? Well, of course, it doesn’t.? So perhaps the logline might start off something like: ” When a pregnant woman is miraculously cured of terminal cancer (or whatever — be specific) only to discover she’s now immortal….”? Or “When a woman is miraculously cured of terminal cancer (or whatever) only to discover she is both pregnant and immortal… “

I’m just guessing, because I don’t know the sequence of events.? My takeaway is that the unborn child, in the role of the stakes character, might need to be planted earlier rather than later.

Hope this helps.