Penpusher
Posted: 2017-10-22T18:39:17+10:00 In:

When a captured demon finally finds a way to get rid of, a magician and a ex nun have to risk their lives in order to save the kingdom from a vengeful demon.

When a captured demon finally finds a way to get rid of, a magician and a ex nun have to risk their lives in order to save the kingdom from a vengeful demon.
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    2 Reviews

    1. Best Answer
      Samurai

      To me, the most difficult part of the logline is to add specifics with a hook. For instance, “finds a way” is vague, but there is room to add a hook there. If the vengeful demon is the same, the reason he’s been trapped also explains the vengence reason.
      Also the adjective seems to be reworded, as how thieves can be honest? Perhaps good-hearted?

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    2. Best Answer
      Uberwriter

      Good advice, moviefreak.

      Thieves can do things out of character, sure, but don’t promote an out-of-character thief in your log. It jumps out at you.

      Is this a medieval set? Hard to get around the comma placement in the first line. May want to examine that usage.

      Otherwise, you have some decent elements already. Play around with this from different perspectives.

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