Version 3: When a tutor?s student unexpectedly follows her through a magical doorway then disappears, she struggles to locate him and find the way home despite losing her magic.
OrdinaryDreamsLogliner
Version 3: When a tutor?s student unexpectedly follows her through a magical doorway then disappears, she struggles to locate him and find the way home despite losing her magic.
Share
I frankly don’t get the either/or choice she faces. ?What is the dilemma?
Whatever, a logline should describe a plot. ?And a plot is about what happens after?the protagonist makes a choice ?to pursue?a specific objective goal. It is about deeds not dilemmas.
Taken at face value, this logline seems to say that the entire 2nd Act is about the tutor deciding to decide. ?But ?the 2nd Act should be about what happens after she decides.
So what does she decide to do? ?What is her objective goal?
Edited to show Version 2. Still needs work, but maybe I’m going in the right direction now at least?
What’s the magic, the benign purpose of the magical door? ?IOW: what is the bait that lures the?tutor (or anyone else) ?to dare (or desire) to cross its thresh hold?
Thanks for the clarification.
It seems to me that a lot of expositional pipe has to be laid in the 1st Actin order for the audience to understand what is going on in the 2nd Act. I dunno.
The plot, the “A” story, ?seems to be about is a woman in search of her roots, the answer to the question: who are my real parents? Although the story line about the student may be interwoven with that “A” story, for the purpose of a logline it seems extraneous.
And considering the potency of the magic, ?the stakes seem like chump change. All that stands to be lost are support payments? ? I know it’s only supposed to be the pilot episode to launch a series or franchise, but I suggest that the stakes ought to be desperately urgent and colossal. ?That’s the dramatic fuel it takes to launch a franchise or series these days. ?Consider the urgent and colossal stakes that fuels the “Star Wars” franchise, and the “Lord of the Ring” ?and ‘Hunger Game” series.
Anyway, the number one question in my mind when evaluating a logline is: ?what is the hook? ? I get a vague sense that the hook has something to do with magic, but I don’t have a clear cut idea, a ?handle on an archetypal theme. ?Not one that I can articulate in a pithy phrase or sentence. ?Do you have one?
FWIW:
I recently heard an interview of Francis Ford Copolla about his struggle to write a script adapting the best-selling novel, “The Godfather” which has a sprawling narrative. ?He says he only got a handle on the plot when he was able to boil down the answer to ?the question , “What is the film about?” to one word.
The one word answer?for him was: “succession.”
And the result was a classic.
Best wishes with your writing.