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drews13Penpusher
Posted: August 6, 20172017-08-06T19:25:43+10:00 2017-08-06T19:25:43+10:00In: Thriller

When a world renowned psychiatrist dies and goes to Hell, he is given a second chance at life to make amends with the family he ignored, not knowing he is part of a bigger plan for Hell to dominate Earth.

When a world renowned psychiatrist dies and goes to Hell, he is given a second chance at life to make amends with the family he ignored, not knowing he is part of a bigger plan for Hell to dominate Earth.
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    3 Reviews

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    1. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2017-08-07T05:27:53+10:00Added an answer on August 7, 2017 at 5:27 am

      “When a world renowned psychiatrist dies and goes to Hell, he is given a second chance at life to make amends with the family he ignored, not knowing he is part of a bigger plan for Hell to dominate Earth.”

      This logline is an improvement over the previous one. But it lacks an objective goal. What is his specific, visualized goal? ?What does he specifically intend to do to make amends with his family?

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2017-08-07T06:57:21+10:00Added an answer on August 7, 2017 at 6:57 am

      The premise, in effect, makes him a supporting character in a plot instigated, ergo owned, by some other character. He’s a pawn, a dupe, instead of a ?genuine protagonist because his “objective goal” is a sham, a stalking horse, a subplot to the major plot.

      His plot — the one that really matters, the one with the biggest stakes — would only begin when he realizes he’s a pawn in somebody else’s game, refuses to play that game and instigates his own game plan. ?And when is that?

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    3. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-08-08T13:16:28+10:00Added an answer on August 8, 2017 at 1:16 pm

      Agreed with the above.

      The inciting incident is really his realization that hell is about to take over the world, therefore, his subsequent goal needs to be formed in response to this.

      What is it he does to stop hell from rising to the surface?

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