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PatriciaApplebyPenpusher
Posted: June 12, 20172017-06-12T18:47:48+10:00 2017-06-12T18:47:48+10:00In: Superhero

When a young girl with special brain abilities finally escapes her prison, she?s seen as a weapon of mass destruction by both sides of a rebellion ? but she?s just searching for peace.

When a young girl with special brain abilities finally escapes her prison, she?s seen as a weapon of mass destruction by both sides of a rebellion ? but she?s just searching for peace.
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    5 Reviews

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    1. Dkpough1 Uberwriter
      2017-06-12T21:15:34+10:00Added an answer on June 12, 2017 at 9:15 pm

      “When a young girl with special brain abilities finally escapes her prison, she?s seen as a weapon of mass destruction by both sides of a rebellion ? but she?s just searching for peace.”

      Where is the story set? Is it futuristic? Is it a government prison? What kind of brain abilities? Telepathy or telekinesis? Something else? What’s her specific goal? Does she want to find a safe haven? Find her friend? She needs a specific goal. ?In other words, “she’s just searching for peace” is vague, so how does it translate into a specific,?visual?goal?

      Also, check out the Formula tab at the top of the page if you want more general infomation.
      Hope this helps.

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    2. dpg Singularity
      2017-06-12T23:32:39+10:00Added an answer on June 12, 2017 at 11:32 pm

      Agree with Dkpough1. ? “Searching for peace” needs to be translated into a specific, visual, objective goal. ?While others are pursuing her, she needs to be pursuing something tangible, something concrete.

      The plot should be framed in terms of what she is running towards, not merely from whom she is running from.

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    3. chris34cb Logliner
      2017-06-13T01:41:56+10:00Added an answer on June 13, 2017 at 1:41 am

      This sounds like the plot of a super hero movie so needs some clarity if it’s anything else

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    4. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-06-14T14:52:35+10:00Added an answer on June 14, 2017 at 2:52 pm

      Agreed with all the above comments.

      Also, what starts her off on her journey? What is her inciting incident? Could it be that something happened that motivated her to finally escape? Her escaping prison is of her own doing and no surprise, so it could hardly fulfill the function of an inciting incident. If you give her a reason why she has to escape now then that could wok well as a motivating event.

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    5. variable Uberwriter
      2017-12-29T02:47:57+10:00Added an answer on December 29, 2017 at 2:47 am

      “a young renegade prisoner with unusual mental powers tries to live a normal life,
      only to find herself at the center of a rebellion
      with both the sides seeking to use her as weapon of mass destruction”

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