In a rural town, when a young, na?ve wife of an older, powerful cult leader becomes a secret prostitute, she discovers the town’s and cult’s dirty dark secrets that empower her to create a sex empire.
crytersPenpusher
In a rural town, when a young, na?ve wife of an older, powerful cult leader becomes a secret prostitute, she discovers the town’s and cult’s dirty dark secrets that empower her to create a sex empire.
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So does she become a madam? How does building? a sex empire help her get her son back?
It sounds like she uses being a prostitute to get her adopted son back but why?? Is the son being held captive by the cult or is he just an adopted child by a foster family that she is trying to get back.
It seems really cluttered like i’m not sure what the story is.
Try:
A former member of a cult escapes but leaves her son behind and now must use the cults mind control techniques to bring him back home before he is sacrificed to the group.
Not your story but i had a hard time adding in the sex empire part it doesn’t seem needed.? Just try and break it down to the basics of the story and what it is actually about and it makes it a little easier.
Alas, the logline does not conform to two fundamental requirements for an industry acceptable logline.
1]At 50 words it is too long.
2]?The logline? seems to present a plot with two spines, two courses of dramatic action.? It has the protagonist pursuing one objective goal — then switching to another objective goal.? This violates the ironclad principle that a?plot must have unity of action wherein the protagonist pursues one? –and only one — overarching objective goal.? What is the singular unity of action in this story?? What is the overarching objective goal of the protagonist that frames, organizes and drives the story?
I suggest you study the guidelines under “Formula” (at the top of the web page) for composing an industry standard logline.
A woman turning to prostitution for money — yes, okay, I can buy that because unfortunately it happens all the time.
But turning to prostitution for “meaning”?? I, for one, am unable to suspend disbelief.?
you are right.? That is silly.? It should be substituted with “to fund her way out…”? But is this better…
In a rural town, when a young, na?ve wife of an older, powerful cult leader becomes a secret prostitute, she discovers dirty dark secrets that empower her to create a sex empire.
Consider the cause and effect of the elements in a logline as important as the goal and events.
How does she being married to a cult leader make her want to become a prostitute?
How does her discovering secrets “…empower her…”?
What does “…empower her…” mean in practical terms?
What does a sex empire mean in practical terms?
All these things don’t seem logically connected.
Becoming a prostitute is an extreme and highly unusual way to deal with sexual repression, she could easily go out and have sex with as many men and women as she likes – she doesn’t have to become a prostitute if it’s only sex she’s after.
I agree with Nir Shelter that all the elements don’t seem to connect in a credible cause-and-effect chain of events.? And I also agree that she could just as well take a lover or several to solve her problem of sexual frustration.? I don’t see why the only remedy is for her to become a prostitute.? Or how prostitute can constitute a remedy for her sexual frustration.
And if she’s brazen enough to become a prostitute, why isn’t she brazen enough to also leave her husband, leave the cult?
IOW: in my calculus, the motivational math just doesn’t add up.
fwiw
In the various iterations, I don’t see a motivating inciting incident.?
Becoming a prostitute is not a casual decision, certainly not a choice any “naive” woman would obviously, easily make.? What is the event that? pushed her over the edge, induced her to overcame her naivety and become a prostitute?
Also the main character is essentially an anti-hero.? She’s an amoral, opportunistic slut. There is no socially redeemable aspect to her motives, or her methods.? The psychological story hook is sexual voyeurism, not emotional empathy.
Anti-hero characters are tough to sell.? Not impossible, but tough.? Particularly when this fictional story must compete for attention in the real world where there are so many competing? and far more titillating opportunities for people to indulge their sexual voyeurism.
Just saying.