Logliner
Posted: 2016-08-08T11:42:43+10:00 In:

When an android bodyguard assassinates the President during a training simulation, a Systems Analyst believed responsible must abduct the android for protection while finding the culprit.

When an android bodyguard assassinates the President during a training simulation, a Systems Analyst believed responsible must abduct the android for protection while finding the culprit.
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    4 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      For brevity you could drop the training. For protection seems strange. Is it to also prove he’s innocent? If yes focus on that. I’d also start with ‘After’ it seems to add a feeling of immediacy to your logline.

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    2. After an android bodyguard?glitches?and kills the President, the creator is blamed and kidnaps the droid until he can find the real culprit.

      It’s not much shorter but to me it flows better.

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    3. Singularity

      If the main character is the creator then make it more about a risk to him than to the android, and yes agreed with the above comments it needs to be shorter.

      My try:
      After an android bodyguard is tampered with it kills the president, the creator steals it and goes on the run to find the culprit.

      24 words.

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    4. Singularity

      After a secret service android assassinates the President and its software engineer becomes the prime suspect,?engineer and android must evade capture and partner up to find the culprit who hacked the android’s AI.
      (34 words)

      While ?biking through spectacular scenery yesterday, this premise kept flitting in and out of my mind. Why? ?Because it embedded not 1 but 2 hooks in my mind.?1] A secret service android ?assassinates the President. 2] An odd couple buddy film: engineer and android must partner up to solve the crime.

      Notes:
      “Secret service android” instead of ?”bodyguard” because that’s the correct terminology.
      “Assassinates” because it’s stronger, implies more significant consequences, than merely “kills”.
      “Software engineer” rather than “systems analyst”; I think it is?better fit.

      [Takeaway: ?to sell the script and yourself as the person to write it and do re-writes and polishes, it’s imperative to get the terminology right, create the right 1st impression that you’ve done your homework, know your subject matter.]?

      “Engineer and android must evade capture and ?partner up” ?– how they escape custody, evade capture are details for the script. ?IOW: the meaty details, the steak. What the logline needs to sell is the sizzle: android and human partner up — an odd couple relationship.

      Anyway, the concept gets my thumbs up. ?Best wishes with the story.

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