When her older sister disappears with a mysterious stranger, a loner teen and her newly sober mother embark on a precarious road trip to find her.
tomasinaPenpusher
When her older sister disappears with a mysterious stranger, a loner teen and her newly sober mother embark on a precarious road trip to find her.
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Mysterious or stranger. No need for both words. Then you describe the teen as a loner who is now embarking on trip with her mother — nothing loner about that.
I’d suggest adding something unique or compelling about this stranger.
Also, add more about the road trip, maybe where and why it’s dangerous and then of course, add the time element — this must be completed before….
Does her older sister disappear with the stranger voluntarily? ?Or is she kidnapped? ?And is her older sister still a minor or is she (legally) an adult?
If the older sister is of legal age, then if she voluntarily “disappears”, ?well that’s her decision as a consenting adult. ?However, if she’s a minor and/or if there is evidence that she was coerced, then the plot has probable cause.
The younger sister may miss her older sister, but that’s not a sufficient probably cause for a compelling plot. ?The ?logline needs to more clearly indicate what the stakes are, that her sister’s freedom and life is jeopardy. ?it’s a matter of personal freedom, a matter of life and death for her to find her.
(And does her mother sober up after and as a consequence of her older daughter disappearing?)
Hey tomasina,
dpg touched on the older sister “disappearing”; as already suggested, clarify that further: did this ?young lady elope with this stranger or was she kidnapped by him?
And, this is just a suggestion, consider reversing the roles for the sisters. The older sister (a successful businesswoman and estranged) could be?the one who reluctantly helps her untrustworthy alcoholic mother to find the younger, more immature little sister.
I disagree with Foxtrot25 about the MC being a loner, yet going on a road trip with someone; that’s irony, which is encouraged to use in loglines. Reluctant protagonists/heroes in film are generally loners. And since being a loner is typically an undesirable trait, it is understandable that this is who the character is in the beginning of the story.?
I like this.
Perhaps some more intriguing terms could be used to describe the ‘loner teen’ who I assume is the protagonist. Also not really sure who is the antagonist, the stranger or the mother – I’m assuming the mother, and the story is focused on the dysfunctional relationship between the two (so, if I’m wrong, then something needs fixing).
I’m curious to know why the trip is precarious, and how does the teen get along with her mother, but I guess those are the questions that I should be reading the script/watching the movie to find out. Yeah, I’d be tempted to watch this if it came up as a viewing option somewhere.
Agreed with a lot of the above.
I’ll add that it’s unclear what their major obstacles are going to be. In other words, two people on a road trip is rather mundane and uneventful, could you give them a ticking time bomb or put them under more pressure? What if the mom or older sister had a condition that needed treatment or if they must do battle with a few dangerous associates of the mysterious stranger.