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Mike PedleySingularity
When his big brother goes missing in the wilderness, an anxious high-school senior heads into the wild to find him? accompanied by his brother?s ghost
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It took me a bit to fully understand the logline since the closing statement made me think the protagonist found his brother’s ghost in the wilderness. A few re-reads made me realise that wasn’t the case, and though the ‘ahhh ha’ moment made the story much more compelling, it could be possible that some mightn’t draw to this conclusion.
Since this is classed as “coming of age” perhaps state that this is protagonist’s long-lost brother, who is forever 18 or something, and now the protagonist is equal age with him indicating a conflict between the whole ‘bigger brother’ dynamic. There needs to be a little more conflict in this logline and I feel subtlety might be the right direction to describe it.
When does the ghost appear?? Is it the inciting incident that sends the protagonist in search of the body of his brother. (A ghost suggests his brother is dead.)? Or is it a manifestation that occurs after he has commenced his search?
And I am kind of dubious about the character tag of “stammering”.? I subscribe to the notion that a character should be described in terms of a flaw that either threatens to defeat him or a strength that he will need to succeed.? Stammering doesn’t seem to fit either criterion.
And if he’s tramping through the wild looking of his brother,who does he have with to talk to,? hence stammer?? It seems to be extraneous to the plot one way or the other.
fwiw
I am guessing that the brother is dead. Or is it another brother?s ghost? So they are teaming up to save Brother one?
When is brother goes missing a high school senior heads into the wilderness accompanied by his missing brothers ghost to recover the body.
Add the extra details as you wish.
When his brother is murdered, an overly pragmatic high schooler must team up with his brother?s ghost to track down and bring the killer to justice.
We could just remove the details of the ghost.
When his brother is goes missing in the wild, an over anxious high schooler teams up with a ghost to find him before it’s too late.