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Billy14Samurai
Posted: June 16, 20172017-06-16T08:45:45+10:00 2017-06-16T08:45:45+10:00In: Horror

When his medication stops working, a divorced writer must relive the inception of his MYSTERIOUS ILLNESS to remember how he stopped it as a child. (26)

Would appreciate your comments. Not sure about “inception”. I used my thesaurus though 🙂

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    5 Reviews

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    1. Foxtrot25 Uberwriter
      2017-06-16T11:03:42+10:00Added an answer on June 16, 2017 at 11:03 am

      Billy,

      I don’t like “When his medication stops working” this sounds tiny to me. Unworthy of a movie, tbh.

      If your premise involves a bunch of flashbacks, that will work against you when pros read your screenplay. They don’t like them much.

      My advice to you is to rewrite this in the present, begin with a young patient then forward ahead to the dilema.

      An untreatable illness causes a writer to…

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    2. Billy14 Samurai
      2017-06-16T12:03:40+10:00Added an answer on June 16, 2017 at 12:03 pm

      Gotcha. I’ll get rid of it. No problem.

      I know the pros hate flashbacks. I can work around that but there is one flashback that I can’t get rid of, the one related to the MC’s illness origin.

      Please advise. And thank you!

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    3. CraigDGriffiths Uberwriter
      2017-06-16T19:45:40+10:00Added an answer on June 16, 2017 at 7:45 pm

      Just some clarification. If he stopped it when he was a child, why is he still taking medication?

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    4. Billy14 Samurai
      2017-06-16T19:49:08+10:00Added an answer on June 16, 2017 at 7:49 pm

      Think of Stephen King’s IT. They stopped Pennywise and then suppressed the memory only to have Pennywise return and face IT all over again.

      My story has a similar element. And it is a horror.

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    5. Neer Shelter Singularity
      2017-06-19T08:31:21+10:00Added an answer on June 19, 2017 at 8:31 am

      The concept is unclear. The logline raises too many questions, not through intrigue but confusion.
      What does mysterious illness mean? What are the symptoms? Is this a mental condition? How does it manifest itself?? How will he relive the inception of his condition? Where there no other people around him that remembered what he did as a kid to stop the illness?? If he did it as a kid why does he need to re live it again instead of fighting it as an adult? Is his goal to cure himself or something else?

      Lastly, it sounds like most of the antagonistic force and MC actions are internal, in other words, it’s not cinematic what action does he take that will be visual?

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