When his medication suddenly stops working, a contentedly married man must endure terrifying Hypnotic Regressions in search of an answer to his mysterious and debilitating condition. (26)
Billy14Samurai
When his medication suddenly stops working, a contentedly married man must endure terrifying Hypnotic Regressions in search of an answer to his mysterious and debilitating condition. (26)
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From my perspective, you don’t need the suddenly – it’s almost implicit by being the inciting incident. ?I suggest THE answer, not AN answer because it gives more importance. ?and no need for mysterious – if he’s searching for the cure then the illness must be mysterious. ?And instead of condition, use a stronger word like illness or syndrome or one of the other synonyms (use your thesaurus).
A couple of questions:
Why is contentedly married important? ?If the change rocks his marriage, then say that instead.
Why hypnotic regressions? perhaps use “relive forgotten childhood terrors” or similar.
Now to the experts for more professional feedback.
Advice much appreciated and rewrite imminent. Thanks for commenting. I’ll use your advice to narrow down to what the pros are looking for.
Medication for what? ?What is his “mysterious condition” that requires such drastic remedies? ?The logline seems to be hiding the game ball.
IS he suffering from PTSD? If so best to specify that in the logline, it will help ground the premise and make it, in my mind at least, more interesting.
dpg Yes. I’m hiding the ball again.
Neer Shelter I know that by naming what he’s suffering from will ground the premise. You have just confirmed that for me. Thanks!
I’m beginning to understand how this logline thing works now. Just beginning mind you.
I’m going to revise again, probably tomorrow. There’s one more bit of info I’d like to add and run by you guys before I start writing.
Once again, you guys are saving my LIFE! I’ve been walking around like a zombie for almost 3 years now trying to get this damn story out there.