Rabab The Cowboy Elephant: An Elephant Never Forgets, Part 1 (Space Western)
Imprisoned cowboy elephant, Rabab (45), is presented with a 3-day do or die mission – capture a cowgirl vigilante, Sky (20), or his bomb collar will be detonated. But when Sky reveals that the Sheriff who imprisoned Rabab was involved in the genocide of Rabab’s race, Rabab must team up with Sky, take down the Sheriff and his deputies, and remove the bomb collar before his trunk blows off.
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I love it!
Here are a few things to consider:
– Avoid the repetition of ‘cowboy vigilante’.
– Is the hero a bounty hunter who goes after elephants and aliens, or is he an elephant who catches aliens? I guess the latter. Does that make it a space western animation?
– “but … that the gangster … has information about the genocide of his elephant race” can be made shorter: “
– ; but when a standoff with the cowboy reveals details about the imminent elephant genocide”
– leave out the interrogation of the gang leader; it’s inferior to/part of bringing him down.
Hey storydude – hope you are well 🙂
I have made changes to the logline – lemme know what you reckon.
It would be a live-action space western – shot in a desert, the elephant would look half man / half elephant.
The idea with this is that he is constantly on the hunt for clues as to who murdered his entire race – this first story finds him in a jail after many failed solo missions – so he’s fairly jaded and can’t stand humans at this point.
it sounds interesting but the logline needs to be reworked. it has the main elements of a good one since we have a little idea of who is the character, who is the force against him and what are the stakes. making it shorter and brief will be ideal.