When Jack?s AI camera accidentally snaps photos of a murder and kidnapping, he mounts a personal rescue mission when calling the cops proves to get a little complicated.
Brennan McMahonLogliner
When Jack?s AI camera accidentally snaps photos of a murder and kidnapping, he mounts a personal rescue mission when calling the cops proves to get a little complicated.
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Too vague.
Loglines need to describe, in definitive terms, what happens in a plot.
Is the victim kidnapped or murdered?
What does “…a personal rescue mission…” mean? Is he going to track down the murderers? Is he going to kill the murderers? Is he going to have them arrested?
What does “…proves to get a little complicated…” mean in practical terms?
Don’t be afraid to give away too much in a logline – if the goal is compelling a producer will want to read the script, at the same time, if you have a twist in the story and it elevates the concept, a producer will also want to read the script. Your goal, as a writer, is to get read, therefore, the more your logline describes interesting stuff the better the chance of a script request.
Last note, there’s no need for names in a logline (unless it’s a historical, biopic or franchise – I wish people would read the ‘Formula’ tab on the top bar before posting) and why Jack? How is this kidnap/murder personally connected to him?
>>>It may be a little vague, but I still think it spells out quite a bit
Yeah….I don’t think so
If his camera is AI or not, how does that really affect the plot more than the suggested decision >> “Is the victim kidnapped or murdered?”
I agree that ??a personal rescue mission??
and ??proves to get a little complicated?? are vague and give us little about how this film is going to be different than the others of its type,
Because that makes the difference between on the shelf and sold.
Agree with variable,? the last part seems vague.? ?And it will make the difference between shelf and sold.
Loglines are about telling — not teasing.