When Mike Hunt, a troubled, hard-boiled investigative journalist, is approached by the daughter of Australia?s richest mining magnate to investigate the mysterious death of her husband, he is catapulted into the Australian outback where he must overcome his own demons and unravel a string of greed, corruption and betrayal in order to stop a genetically modified biological weapon that threatens the lives of millions of innocent people.

What is the hook?? What is the feature that?distinguishes this story, grabs attention?

That it’s about a hard-boiled journalist?? Who?is?fighting [unspecified} demons?? And a?conspiracy of greed, corruption, and betrayal?

Well, for me the hook is “genetically modified biological weapon”.?? That seems to be ?the?dramatic problem that drives the plot.??Alas, I have to slog through 54 words before finding it.

If I am correct in assuming that “genetically modified biological weapon” is the hook, is the dramatic problem driving the plot, then?central dramatic problem needs to be established asap — in far, far fewer than 54 words, ideally within 25 words.

Certain word baggage can be excised?summarily — there’s no need for it in a logline.? Like the name of the main character.? And “approached?by the daughter of Australia?s richest mining magnate to investigate the mysterious death of her husband” can be (greatly) boiled down, if not eliminated.? For the purposes of a logline, where less is more, all a reader needs to know is that “while investigating a mysterious murder, an investigative journalist discovers…”

And the main character’s “personal demons” (aka: character flaw) is too vague.? What is the exact nature of the “demons”.? Is he an alcoholic?? Bi-polar?? Suicidal? Be specific.? Whatever it is, ideally the character flaw should directly relate to the dramatic problem because that’s the function of the dramatic problem, to attack the main character at his weakest point, force him to confront and overcome it if he’s going to prevail.