When the apparent heir to the family business dies, the lesser brother, John, and the town?s local photo-journalist must prove himself to his family by covering the story fully until the investigation turns into a homocide with, Bill, the grandfather and owner of the business becoming their prime suspect.
davidnoblesLogliner
When the apparent heir to the family business dies, the lesser brother, John, and the town?s local photo-journalist must prove himself to his family by covering the story fully until the investigation turns into a homocide with, Bill, the grandfather and owner of the business becoming their prime suspect.
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Try to re-write the logline to 25-30 Words. No need to mention the names of the characters. (unless detrimental to the story)
* Maybe look for a better?flaw than a lower birth right… ?e.g Anarchist, Loath etc be creative 🙂
* Who’s the main Protagonist? The lesser brother or the local photo-journalist? ?(If lesser brother, no need to mention the P.J)
* What does the P.J got to gain or loose from this? (if Joint Protag)
* Who’s the antagonist? Who is the trying to stop them? The Grandfather? The brother
* How does/ will covering the story prove his worth to the family???(A great conflict if he was rebelling against?his family, but that’s not how I have interpreted your logline)
I am no expert, just a few points that I have received in the past.
Best of luck!