When the normalcy of an overly meticulous statistical analyst is disrupted by the appearance of a small cloud above his head, he must find a way to get rid of it before his crititcal work presentation.
puffin_jacketPenpusher
When the normalcy of an overly meticulous statistical analyst is disrupted by the appearance of a small cloud above his head, he must find a way to get rid of it before his crititcal work presentation.
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First half I believe works. But need to change the 2nd half. Try he needs to eradicate the cloud before his critical presentation at work.
I think you could cut ‘normalcy’ as ‘meticulous statistical analyst’ states a lot. I like the ending of ‘critical work presentation’ it ups the ante.
Happy writing.
M
EDIT 01
When an overly meticulous Statistics Consultant is disrupted by a small cloud, he must find a way to remove it before his critical work presentation.
I love big words because they explain things totally without equivocation…if you know what they mean.
(i humbly suggest with all respect) For the average Joe it might not be understandable and in reading it there’s a lot of syllables and it could come accross as a little convoluted.
The mention of the cloud interests me and the deadline you create “before his meeting” makes me feels the suspense/risk/stakes.
With respect.
DC.
Why must he remove it before?the presentation?? It may be an annoyance, but what threat does it pose?
And what’s at stake in the “critical” presentation?? Is his job on the line?? A promotion?