While investigating the abduction of a child in a remote community of the Appalachian Mountains, a FBI Agent makes the shocking discovery that he is linked to a disappearance there decades earlier.
senditonPenpusher
While investigating the abduction of a child in a remote community of the Appalachian Mountains, a FBI Agent makes the shocking discovery that he is linked to a disappearance there decades earlier.
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The logline should lay out the bare essentials of a plot. ?This logline sets up a situation with a discovery but fails to present a complete plot.
What must he do about the shocking discovery? ?As a result of it, what becomes his objective goal? ?And who opposes and threatens to defeat him?
You are right, of course. ?You don’t give away the 2nd or 3rd Act Big Reveal, or 2nd orTwist in the logline.
And you are correct to point out the a logline is not about the protagonist’s subjective issue.
My point is that it makes no sense to even mention the Big Reveal or Twist in a logline. ? Because a?logline is about what is going to hook the interest of the audience in the 1st Act, ?in the 1st 30 minutes. What is going to make them want to keep watching, instead of channel surfing or switching to some other diversion.
It does no good if a logline reveals or merely hints there is a Big Reveal or Twist to occur 60 or 90 minutes into the film. ?Because if the story doesn’t hook viewer interest in the 1st 30 minutes, they aren’t going to hang around that long to view it. ? It’s too late.
So taking your logline at face value, if a shocking discovery is not the 1st Act inciting incident, then the plot is about an FBI agent assigned to solve a child abduction. Well, what is the inciting incident that gets that agent, of all the agents in the pool, assigned to the case? ?Is there anything unique about the abduction that makes it of ?particular dramatic interest? ?That would make it stand out from all the other real or possible scenarios about an FBI agent working an abduction case?
IOW: ?What is there to hook a viewer’s interest in the 1st Act so that they’ll stay interested, stay with the story until the Big Reveal/Twist?
senditon:
>>>my feeling is that a logline should hook a reader?s interest by whatever means necessary.
Which is to say, a logline should feature a must-read story hook. ?And I completely agree. ?Indeed, IMHO, for ?wannabes trying to break into business, the most important element in their script, hence, their logline, is a hook. ?A GREAT, irresistible hook.
So the question is: does “makes the shocking discovery that he is linked to a disappearance there decades earlier” constitute a strong story hook? ?Well, my personal, completely biased initial response was: ?not so much.
Every murder mystery ?has — or should have– ?at least one, plot-pivoting ?”shocking discovery”. ?It’s a standard operating feature of a mystery. So the fact that your story has a “shocking discovery” is not, uh, shocking. ?And since you shouldn’t reveal the Big Reveal in a logline, ?what’s the point in even suggesting there is one?
On the other hand, ?your revision does a better job of engaging my interest.
But don’t?these 2 versions lay out the same dramatic ?problem? ?Well, yes, but how you frame the plot is different. ?And I don’t think that’s a minor distinction.
Why do I favor the 2nd one over the 1st? ?Because the way I read the 2nd version is that your script will quickly set up the mystery, tease me in the right way with some intriguing clues. ?The central mystery is booted up in the 1st Act.
IOW: the 1st Act has a strong hook designed to ?grab an audience’s attention, make them want to know what happens next.
Whereas my reading of the 1st version is that it promises no particular hook in the 1st Act to grab and hold ?my attention. ?It ?offers a hook — eventually, maybe 50 ?or 60 minutes in, if the audience will only be patient and persevere. ?But in an age of multitasking, of so many alternatives, so many diversions, that’s an unrealistic expectation. ?You gotta hook the audience early, in the 1st Act.
So my take away is that ideally a logline should 1] have a strong hook; ?and?2] the hook should be planted in the 1st Act. ?Which,I think your 2nd version does on both counts.
And on the basis of that 2nd version, I give your story my thumbs up.
fwiw