Penpusher
Posted: 2017-05-29T02:10:22+10:00 In:

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    3 Reviews

    1. Uberwriter

      “While trying to run away from both her past and her mysterious curse, a lonely waitress becomes the unlikely last stand for the future of humanity against the threat of a supernatural killer.”

      This logline presents a vague description of a plot, in fact, I’m sure that, aside from a few of the details, the basic story it presents is the exact plot of many stories that have come before it. Some details would help, for example:
      What event happens that causes her to stop running from this curse in order to fight a supernatural killer?(inciting incident) What event, a specific event (someone is murdered, she’s hacked, the supernatural killer attempts to kill her) forms her motivation? As an example, in the movie Iron Man it is Tony Stark being kidnapped by terrorists so they can force him to build weapons. Even more specific is when Yinsen, the man helping him is killed.
      How is she the last stand? Does she have superpowers? Is she really good with weapons? What special skills or abilities allow her to stand up to a supernatural killer?
      Also, how does this supernatural killer threaten all of humanity? What are they? A god, demon, angel?

      I hope this helps.

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    2. Uberwriter

      “It?s vague but part of the fun of the first act is the discovering of the mysterious nature of the premise, in my opinion.”

      Just keep in mind that a logline is not made for the audience, not made to get them to watch. It’s used to convince someone to read the script, a step to getting a producer or someone with money interested in investing that money into your story. I’m not saying that you must state what the supernatural killer is, but if it’s an interesting, unique thing that is uncommon in stories it may be the thing that hooks the producer.
      Good luck with your writing.

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    3. Singularity

      RE:
      >>> That?s a thing I don?t want to give in the logline. Like The Matrix does with its logline:
      >>>?A computer hacker learns from mysterious rebels about the true nature of his reality and his role in the war against its controllers.?
      >>>It?s vague but part of the fun of the first act is the discovering of the mysterious nature of the premise, in my opinion.

      Uh, my second opinion on that point. ? A logline’s target market is movie makers, producers and investors, not movie viewers. ?Ergo, a logline has a different purpose than a movie blurb (the kind of one-liners posted on IMDB). ?I don’t think a logline should play hide-and-seek with it’s ?premise and story hook.

      imho

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