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After accidentally causing the death of her boss, an over-worked, guilt-ridden barmaid must avoid suspicion, while at the same deflecting the advances of her lascivious co-worker
Well-written. I think the logline would benefit from specifying how the barmaid caused the death of her boss. "After accidentally poisoning and killing her boss, an over-worked... etc" Additionally, though this is a more minor point, I think the actions the protagonist take in the story could also bRead more
Well-written. I think the logline would benefit from specifying how the barmaid caused the death of her boss.
“After accidentally poisoning and killing her boss, an over-worked… etc”
Additionally, though this is a more minor point, I think the actions the protagonist take in the story could also benefit from more specificity. Does she try to pin the blame on someone else, for example?
See lessA quirky, slightly neurotic Seattle novelist becomes her own worst enemy when she falls in love with an inveterate ladies’ man.
I think it would be more ironic if the protagonist was a strong "feminist" (to contrast against a presumably sexist ladies' man). And I agree with the others that as of now she lacks a clear goal. Is she trying to avoid or pursue this man, for example? Also, how does she being a novelist relate to tRead more
I think it would be more ironic if the protagonist was a strong “feminist” (to contrast against a presumably sexist ladies’ man). And I agree with the others that as of now she lacks a clear goal. Is she trying to avoid or pursue this man, for example? Also, how does she being a novelist relate to the logline or inform us as to the nature of your story? If it’s just background information, I’d cut it, but if it plays into the story in a fundamental way (i.e. the man she’s pursuing hates books, and her goal is to write a book, to give a mediocre example), I’d make that clearer.
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