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After an young girl is bought from slavery, she is taken to a school where she becomes a witch, where she uses her abilities to kill her former master and save her family.
Great, so we know the ending. Who needs to read the book now? Change to "where she must learn to use her powers" and you've got yourself a functional logline
Great, so we know the ending. Who needs to read the book now? Change to “where she must learn to use her powers” and you’ve got yourself a functional logline
See lessAfter a talented teenager foretold to be their future-supervillain is kicked out of the “planet of the heroes”, he discovers that the prophecies are infact a ploy by the great seer to usurp the throne and bring back the age of dark magic.
I think it's pretty awesome and a cool concept, but there's usually this "now he must do so-and-so", there's always a an objective that is to be mentioned in the logline. Also try and make it short. For example, "planet of the heroes"? You do know it's name right? Try using it, or say "home planet"Read more
I think it’s pretty awesome and a cool concept, but there’s usually this “now he must do so-and-so”, there’s always a an objective that is to be mentioned in the logline. Also try and make it short. For example, “planet of the heroes”? You do know it’s name right? Try using it, or say “home planet” or whatever. Just little nitty-gritties to work on, to make it snappier, but I think it’s a fantastic idea!
See lessAfter the mysterious death of his colleague, a scientist discovers one of their test subject is awake to exact revenge on those involved in making him an undead
The protagonist's goal must be mentioned in the logline itself (not the description). So the undead is not the antagonist? It's the 'bad scientist' that's the antagonist? Reading the logline I thought it was the undead subject, but on reading your description I'm not so sure anymore. The antagonistRead more
The protagonist’s goal must be mentioned in the logline itself (not the description).
See lessSo the undead is not the antagonist? It’s the ‘bad scientist’ that’s the antagonist? Reading the logline I thought it was the undead subject, but on reading your description I’m not so sure anymore. The antagonist should be clearly mentioned.
Other than that it sounds really good! I can see a lot of potential in this one, maybe a weak and timid protagonist who’s terrified of the undead, but still wants to do the right thing. Plenty of food for conflict here!