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When an exiled prince unexpectedly becomes ruler in a foreign kingdom, he must make dangerous alliances if he is to survive the vampire Emperor who murdered his parents.
There is potential here but yes, you have to confine it some more. What are the dangerous alliences? Are they with vampires? We need to know that! To me the fact that he is away in a foreign kingdom is very powerful and I need to know who is he going to ally. If it is particular like vampires or draRead more
There is potential here but yes, you have to confine it some more.
What are the dangerous alliences? Are they with vampires? We need to know that!
To me the fact that he is away in a foreign kingdom is very powerful and I need to know who is he going to ally. If it is particular like vampires or dragons or werewolves than it becomes much more interesting.
For example:
See lessWhen a prince is exiled to a far away Kingdom by the murderer of his parents, he must lead the folk to an urpising against the Vampire Emperor.
A bitter old man plays an advanced virtual reality game and conquers his fear of technology.
Maybe your bitter old man is an interesting character but since you have such a noun the logline would benefit from some irony. If he is bitter old man and the virtual reality game is for 11-year-old girls and full of happy unicorns we instantly get an entertaining image due to contrast. After that,Read more
Maybe your bitter old man is an interesting character but since you have such a noun the logline would benefit from some irony.
If he is bitter old man and the virtual reality game is for 11-year-old girls and full of happy unicorns we instantly get an entertaining image due to contrast.
After that, check? your ending and give us a promise that a story can start after you finish your sentence.
See lessConquering your fear of technology is not particularly interesting. And it is something we expect of an old man.
I am just throwing out random ideas here:
If he becomes a game designer for example then we have a familiar concept (Big) runed on its head, and we isntantly get a conflict and drama.
How will the old man cope with young executives?
Is he for real or just a gimmick to sell more games?
And so on.